I've always heard women talk about how after childbirth they go through a period of time where they just can't think. It's like their brain cells are somehow sucked up by that infant & any remaining are zapped by sleepless nights & the sudden realization that there is no longer any time for themselves. I spent a lot of years wanting to be pregnant & romanticizing the idea of me with a cute baby bump, buying adorable maternity clothes, decorating a nursery & picking out names. That scenario is so far from my actual life it's laughable. And I'm not sure when, but at some point I suddenly became okay with that. Given the choice, I would've picked pregnancy over this barren womb of mine, but I must admit, barrenness has its perks. No weight gain, no crazy hormones, no painful labor horror story, no recovery time once my baby is here, & no period of time where my mind suddenly stops working. So I'm confused as to why ever since Ruby has arrived I can't seem to remember what I went upstairs to get. Now I know it was important because I sprinted up them, or was that because I wanted to count that as my daily exercise? I don't know, I can't remember. I suddenly have a total inability to organize my time & thoughts. This is agonizing for a Type A, OCD person like myself. Six months ago I would have been irritated with someone that resembled this new version of myself. I would've wanted them to step aside so I could show them how it's done. I'm just wondering if my brain will ever come back. And if so, at what point does this happen? And does it become worse with each child? I really thought this was something I would avoid altogether. I should be able to listen to other moms lament about this while I internally smirk and revel in my ultra-organized, together life. It seems that Mother Nature has a sense of humor. I, for one, don't think she's all that funny.
