Sick

Ruby & I are sick. I was sent home from our pediatrician's office a week ago with a pat on the back & the Dr. telling me, "Don't worry honey, it's just a cold." Something about being called honey rubs me the wrong way. Especially when it comes from a Dr. who thinks I'm a paranoid first-time mom. She didn't say it, but I felt it. Or maybe I am a paranoid first-time mom & just imagined it. Either way, I took her back in this week & was told that she has an ear infection & upper respiratory infection. I was so sad for Ruby, but that diagnosis was validation that I do know when something is wrong with my baby. So we've stayed inside & had a quiet week. Sometimes it's nice to have an excuse to take a break. Even if it comes with a sinus infection & allergies that I swear will be the death of me.

Irony

I've always heard women talk about how after childbirth they go through a period of time where they just can't think. It's like their brain cells are somehow sucked up by that infant & any remaining are zapped by sleepless nights & the sudden realization that there is no longer any time for themselves. I spent a lot of years wanting to be pregnant & romanticizing the idea of me with a cute baby bump, buying adorable maternity clothes, decorating a nursery & picking out names. That scenario is so far from my actual life it's laughable. And I'm not sure when, but at some point I suddenly became okay with that. Given the choice, I would've picked pregnancy over this barren womb of mine, but I must admit, barrenness has its perks. No weight gain, no crazy hormones, no painful labor horror story, no recovery time once my baby is here, & no period of time where my mind suddenly stops working. So I'm confused as to why ever since Ruby has arrived I can't seem to remember what I went upstairs to get. Now I know it was important because I sprinted up them, or was that because I wanted to count that as my daily exercise? I don't know, I can't remember. I suddenly have a total inability to organize my time & thoughts. This is agonizing for a Type A, OCD person like myself. Six months ago I would have been irritated with someone that resembled this new version of myself. I would've wanted them to step aside so I could show them how it's done. I'm just wondering if my brain will ever come back. And if so, at what point does this happen? And does it become worse with each child? I really thought this was something I would avoid altogether. I should be able to listen to other moms lament about this while I internally smirk and revel in my ultra-organized, together life. It seems that Mother Nature has a sense of humor. I, for one, don't think she's all that funny.

Progress

Last week trying to feed Ruby solids looked like this:

And yesterday it looked like this:

She was loving it & I couldn't believe how quickly she changes in just a week's time. 

She has gotten so big:

And we still can't get enough of this face & those cheeks:

Valentine's Recap

Yesterday Tyler & I stayed at home with Ruby. I made dinner & dessert, Tyler finished up a paper for school & then we watched a movie which we could hardly hear because Ruby was babbling so loudly. That girl has gotten so loud & we think it's the cutest thing. Our gifts to one another were simple - cards with notes written inside. We're big on writing notes to each other for birthdays, anniversaries, Valentine's & sometimes even just because. Tyler asked what my Valentine's expectations were - that boy has gotten smarter after almost 9 years of marriage. I told him I didn't want any gifts or flowers. He was off of school for the night & just being with him was enough. I like the simplicity of our love. There was a time when our love was so exciting that it kept me awake at night & everything else in my life fell by the wayside. But I've found that that was only the beginning of love & a more superficial form. Our love now is deep & calm & steady. And that is the kind of love that lasts forever.

Happy Valentine's Day!



She's Back

Ruby is back to her old self again & I am so grateful because we have had a rough go of it lately. I believe we finally have her reflux under control & it is truly amazing the difference that has made. That baby is heaven on earth. We've spent this week going on walks, playing the piano, avoiding a lady at the mall who had no awareness of Ruby's & my personal space, & the usual day to day things. Tyler was even able to spend most of the day with us today which was the best. I often think of all that I want & then days like today remind me how selfish that is. I love watching Ruby laugh hysterically at everything Tyler does & I love that she's become such a mama's girl. It's a good reminder that I have everything I need in those 2 people. It seems I can never find enough time to get it all done, & my back aches from holding that chubby baby, & Tyler is way too busy, & there are a lot of things I wish were different about myself. But this is our life & I'm glad it is.



Ruby's Room

I've had requests to post pictures of Ruby's room but don't feel like my pictures really do it justice. We had about 3 months to get her nursery together which was great because it motivated us to work quickly.

I knew I wanted to do the scalloped border around the room & so Tyler made a template & then traced it onto contact paper which we applied to the walls & then just painted below it. For those who have asked: the key is to paint downwards over the contact paper rather than up so it doesn't leak under the seal.

The bedding was all made by Tyler's mom & it was such a labor of love.

This dresser was mine growing up & was still in great shape so we had it painted & put new knobs on & it was just like new. Part of the reason we decided on the name Ruby comes from the verse in Proverbs where it says, "She is more precious than rubies: & all the things thou canst desire are not to be compared unto her.", which is why I added it to the birdcage/picture display. So fitting for this little girl we were hoping & praying for all those years. And there are also 2 pictures of her great-grandmas and even though they're gone, I want her to know their stories.

My crafty sis-in-law made the Ruby sign with all of her birth stats & the picture below it was mine when I was little & I've always loved it. And although you can't really see it, the bottom shelves have lots & lots of books. We're big on books around here.

My mother-in-law helped me make the curtains & my sis-in-law gave me the little pink sign. And right below is my beloved rocking chair that I am finally getting to use. So there you have it.

Oh, & here is the best part of the room. No surprises there.

Empathy

Today Ruby threw up in my mouth. Yes, you read that correctly. Anybody who's ever watched America's Funniest Home Videos knows this is an inevitability when it comes to parenting. It was only a matter of time before it happened & I'm probably lucky I've gone 5 months before experiencing this. She has acid reflux really bad which has caused her to have crying fits lately. And when I say crying fits I mean both of us are crying. That is one of the worst feelings when you can tell your baby is feeling miserable & there's nothing you can do about it. Thank heavens I have a mom who is a NICU nurse because she & the other nurses she works with have been putting their heads together to come up with some solutions. And I must say, they have so many more ideas than the pediatrician ever gives.



Today has been the best day she's had in about a week & I'm just hoping it lasts. All day long I've felt the need to knock on wood & throw salt over my shoulder. And when I tasted her throw up in my mouth this morning I realized just how miserable she's been because I have never tasted anything so awful in my life. Seriously. I got a little taste (pun) of what she's been going through & it's horrible. But today she was perfect, so even though I've tasted another human being's throw up, I am grateful for this day.