48 hours after Ruby was born Tyler & I went to the hospital to sign paperwork so that she would officially be ours. Placement is emotionally exhausting to say the least. In fact, I've never been so emotionally drained in all my life. I was in Utah for 3 weeks with Tyler flying back & forth as often as possible because we wanted to be sure to be there for the birth. After the birthparents sign paperwork & we sign paperwork we all met up in a room in the hospital to do the actual placement with Ruby. Here's what it looked like.
Us feeling nervous, happy & awful all at once.
Cassie opening all her gifts we gave her. The caseworkers in Utah were so awesome & they had us share our feelings with each other & took all of these pictures for us.
Then they had Cassie literally place Ruby with us. They say this is the most therapeutic way to do it, however, it was heartbreaking & incredibly difficult. Cassie is possibly the strongest person I've ever met.
On the drive home from the hospital between us screaming every 5 minutes, "We have a baby in our backseat!" we had time to talk about everything. Well, not everything. That would have been too overwhelming. We were both spent. But we did talk about how we never in a million years imagined that this is where life would lead us. We were feeling so much happiness & yet there was a big part of our hearts that were completely broken. Adoption involves suffering. We suffered before this baby came, & the birthparents did after. And I hate that, but recognize that it's necessary. We remembered our lives over 8 years ago and thought of a 19 and 22 year old that had their entire lives before them. Kids that were crazy in love & had no idea that they would learn what it feels like to receive one of the most incredible gifts there is to give. Tyler asked if I was okay that I won't ever be able to experience child birth & all that comes with it. And I could honestly say that I'm totally at peace with that. I love my life. It's kind of a hard one at times, but I'm okay with that. And what's so miraculous about adoption is that it brings healing. Tyler & I will heal, & Cassie & Jeremy will heal & life will once again be as it should.
