"Joy is not just something granted by the heavens to a lucky few. It is something that we can create. This is our day-to-day work as parents: to insist upon joy in our lives, to find it even in the least likely moments. Because if we don't do this for ourselves and for our children, no one else will." -Koyuki
So far life with 2 kids has been pretty smooth sailing and I kept feeling like I needed to knock on wood or something because this was just a little too easy. But then yesterday happened. I ventured out with 2 kids & was in a really small, non-stroller friendly store. Ruby was wearing her bunny ears for her Halloween costume that she refused to take off & "feeding" her sucker to inanimate objects throughout the store. As I was wiping off sticky sucker juice Noah was crying & decided that he needed to be fed at the 2 hour mark instead of his usually 3. I just had one thing that I was determined to buy before I left that store & as the sales woman asked me for the second time, "Are you sure you don't want to try this on first?" I thought woman, you must be crazy. And everything took literally twice as long as it usually does. I made an exit out of that store as quickly as possible & finally loaded the children/stroller/diaper bag & what felt like a million other things into the car. We were serenaded to Noah screaming the entire way home with Ruby saying, "Mommy, Noah sad! Make him happy!" over & over again. Once we got home Ruby wanted to blow bubbles at the exact moment that I was feeding Noah at which time both of them decided, "Let's get poopy diapers for the 3rd time today at the exact same time & both demand to be changed at the same time." My phone was ringing off the hook & as I sat down to change those poopy diapers I took a minute to cry. Nothing really terrible had happened. Just normal things, really. But I felt flustered & like my time was so divided with none of it being enough, & there was still a huge list of things I needed to get done. And I guess the day just left me feeling defeated. The moment Tyler got home I literally tagged out & went to make dinner. I will readily admit that bedtime could not have come a moment too soon last night. And as grateful as I am that days like that are the exception & not the rule, I'm also really grateful for those days. I want to remember them along with all the good because it's a reminder that motherhood is hard. And I want to someday look back & remember not just all the happy moments but the moments of struggle. The moments where I had to dig deeper & fight to be the best mother I can be for these children of mine. Because it's easy to be a good mom when all is right in my world, but those moments where things are really, really hard reveal what I'm truly made of. I want to prove to myself & especially to these children of mine that when things are hard we still can be the best version of ourselves. We still can be kind & patient & full of love. Becoming a mother has made me so acutely aware of my imperfections & I'm determined to chip away at them one by one & just try each day to be a little better. I believe whole-heartedly in the joy & beauty of motherhood.
