I'm often asked questions about our adoption and sometimes I forget how much adoption has changed in recent years and how many misconceptions there still are. So I've compiled some answers to the questions that I get most often.
Q: Do you have an open adoption?
A: Yes. Although every adoption is so different, closed adoptions are now very rare. The adoptive couple & birth parents typically decide how they want the relationship to look before the baby is born & then make adjustments as needed. This has been a process but my personal opinion is there's no better way. Tyler & I decided before we even got Ruby that she would always know she was adopted & we would celebrate that. Because it's freaking awesome.
Q: Are you legally required to have an open adoption?
A: No but we made a conscious effort to not make any promises we couldn't keep long term & I would say our adoption is more open than we had originally planned which is something that has naturally evolved.
Q: Can the birth parents take the baby back at any time?
A: No. Depending on the state there is usually an amount of time before the birth parents can sign paperwork. Ours was 48 hours at which point the birth parents signed paperwork terminating their parental rights. After this is done they can't change their mind however beforehand they're under no legal obligation to choose adoption. Some states have not so great adoption laws however, Utah & Arizona are pretty great so we feel lucky.
Q: When is your adoption final?
A: Again, this depends on the state but ours was finalized at about the 6 month mark. So up until that point we were technically Ruby's legal guardians & the rights to her were held by our adoption agency. During this period our agency conducts home visits (total of 3) & have the right to remove the child from the home in cases of abuse, neglect, etc. which is very rare. Finalization is a great day & it meant we could finally be sealed as a family & bless Ruby. Sigh of relief.
Q: Did you pick the birth mom?
A: No, the total opposite is true. Basically we create our online profile through our agency which has information about us, pictures & contact info. And then we waited. Birth parents have access to couples' profiles throughout the U.S. & can filter their searches as they try to pick a couple which would be a daunting task for sure. At that point they can contact the couples of interest which is usually by email. Cassie was our 8th birth mom to contact us. This basically means we had our hearts broken time after time as we thought maybe, just maybe this one would work out. It's heart wrenching & awful & exciting & there was one in particular that left me devastated. But I lived to tell the tale. And that is another story for another day.
Q: Do you want to adopt again?
A: YES! In fact every time I see a newborn I get that tug at my heart & know that our family isn't complete. We can't adopt through our agency again until Ruby is a year old (August 30). So we'll be doing some renewal paperwork & getting our profile ready to go again in the next couple months & will start this process again. I'm excited for another baby but am somewhat dreading the heartbreak & emotional overload that seems to be inevitable when it comes to this process. But the end result is awesome:
