- How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
- I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
- My soul can reach.
- -Elizabeth Barrett Browning-
8 Months
Beautiful Chaos
I went to lunch yesterday with a friend & brought Ruby along. Ruby sat in her highchair & banged her toys on the table, threw them on the ground, squealed reapeatedly, started crying after she smacked herself in the face with a toy & then put out her arms for me to hold her. Those reaching arms of hers render me powerless. She owns me with those reaching arms. I see them & I'm compelled to hold her. Do you know how long I've waited for reaching arms? Far too long to be sensible when I see them. As Ruby wiggled in my lap reaching for my fork, plate & anything else within her grasp I struggled to contain her. Our server walked by at about this time & said, "Honey you're not going to eat a full meal until she's 18. Hang in there." I laughed at the truth of those words. The thing is, a few months ago an experience like this would've left me a bit stressed out & flustered. But somewhere around Ruby's 7 month mark I feel like I finally hit my stride & became more comfortable in my role as a mother. I stopped worrying so much about who was watching & what they were thinking. It was the same way when I got married - it took a little while to feel like a wife & not like I was just playing house. I feel like a mother now.
The Calm Before the Storm
Lately I've had to keep a closer eye on Ruby throughout the day. She's not crawling yet but she's figuring out other ways to get around & is suddenly so grabby & curious. Mobility is going to be a game-changer & I'm not sure I'm ready for it. I'm afraid I might have a wild child on my hands. Here's what she's been up to:
Trying new foods. I was determined to get Ruby to eat greens & then she projectile vomited them up after 2 bites. Well played on her part.
She's learned how to suck on her toes. Disgustingly adorable.
She is trouble in that thing.
She has that cute little tooth on the bottom now.
Pictures of Ruby
My sister-in-laws gifted me a photo session for Ruby for my baby shower & I have just now gotten around to getting it done. I'm in love with these pictures & the way they capture Ruby & her little expressions & mannerisms at this stage. Her mischievious smile & that smirk like she knows something we don't. Oh, this baby!
Adoption FAQ
I'm often asked questions about our adoption and sometimes I forget how much adoption has changed in recent years and how many misconceptions there still are. So I've compiled some answers to the questions that I get most often.
Q: Do you have an open adoption?
A: Yes. Although every adoption is so different, closed adoptions are now very rare. The adoptive couple & birth parents typically decide how they want the relationship to look before the baby is born & then make adjustments as needed. This has been a process but my personal opinion is there's no better way. Tyler & I decided before we even got Ruby that she would always know she was adopted & we would celebrate that. Because it's freaking awesome.
Q: Are you legally required to have an open adoption?
A: No but we made a conscious effort to not make any promises we couldn't keep long term & I would say our adoption is more open than we had originally planned which is something that has naturally evolved.
Q: Can the birth parents take the baby back at any time?
A: No. Depending on the state there is usually an amount of time before the birth parents can sign paperwork. Ours was 48 hours at which point the birth parents signed paperwork terminating their parental rights. After this is done they can't change their mind however beforehand they're under no legal obligation to choose adoption. Some states have not so great adoption laws however, Utah & Arizona are pretty great so we feel lucky.
Q: When is your adoption final?
A: Again, this depends on the state but ours was finalized at about the 6 month mark. So up until that point we were technically Ruby's legal guardians & the rights to her were held by our adoption agency. During this period our agency conducts home visits (total of 3) & have the right to remove the child from the home in cases of abuse, neglect, etc. which is very rare. Finalization is a great day & it meant we could finally be sealed as a family & bless Ruby. Sigh of relief.
Q: Did you pick the birth mom?
A: No, the total opposite is true. Basically we create our online profile through our agency which has information about us, pictures & contact info. And then we waited. Birth parents have access to couples' profiles throughout the U.S. & can filter their searches as they try to pick a couple which would be a daunting task for sure. At that point they can contact the couples of interest which is usually by email. Cassie was our 8th birth mom to contact us. This basically means we had our hearts broken time after time as we thought maybe, just maybe this one would work out. It's heart wrenching & awful & exciting & there was one in particular that left me devastated. But I lived to tell the tale. And that is another story for another day.
Q: Do you want to adopt again?
A: YES! In fact every time I see a newborn I get that tug at my heart & know that our family isn't complete. We can't adopt through our agency again until Ruby is a year old (August 30). So we'll be doing some renewal paperwork & getting our profile ready to go again in the next couple months & will start this process again. I'm excited for another baby but am somewhat dreading the heartbreak & emotional overload that seems to be inevitable when it comes to this process. But the end result is awesome:
Remembering Great Grandmother
I came across a box of things my mom had given me that were mine as a baby - things my grandma & great grandmother had made for me. After rediscovering this box I was so excited because they're all things I can use for Ruby. And I came across a quilt my great grandmother had made that I have always loved & even though it smelled a bit musty I laid it out in the backyard & we sat on it. And all of this got me thinking about my great grandmother & how I loved & admired her & how grateful I was for this little piece of her. And how amazing it is to now see my daughter with something that has been in the family for a while now.
I've been thinking about the woman I called great grandmother ever since & how I was still young when she passed away but I remember crying & feeling a sense of loss for the first time. And I totally forgot until recently that she had adopted her daughter. I so badly would love to talk to her all about her experiences & know her thoughts & feelings. All of this reaffirmed to me that we aren't put with our families by accident. We're bound by ties that draw us to one another although sometimes we may not know until years later. I've always known that I loved my great grandmother but now I feel like maybe we were even kindred spirits, born years apart. And I can still draw from her strength & goodness & seek to create parts of her within myself.
I've been thinking about the woman I called great grandmother ever since & how I was still young when she passed away but I remember crying & feeling a sense of loss for the first time. And I totally forgot until recently that she had adopted her daughter. I so badly would love to talk to her all about her experiences & know her thoughts & feelings. All of this reaffirmed to me that we aren't put with our families by accident. We're bound by ties that draw us to one another although sometimes we may not know until years later. I've always known that I loved my great grandmother but now I feel like maybe we were even kindred spirits, born years apart. And I can still draw from her strength & goodness & seek to create parts of her within myself.
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