Lately I've come to the realization that life isn't perfect after adoption. Kind of seems like I should have seen this one coming, no?
This is perfect:
This, however, is not:
A caseworker told me that I would have moments periodically that would sting & would be a reminder of my loss. I've had those moments a lot lately as people have asked if Ruby looks like her mom, meaning her birthmom. I know it's completely innocent & I have to remind myself that I would most likely be asking the same thing if I had never adopted, but it feels like a punch to the stomach every time. I'm her mom & no, she doesn't look a thing like me. In fact, sometimes I think that's a good thing because Jeremy & Cassie's genes mixed quite beautifully if I do say so myself. I was talking with a friend today who adopted a baby before me & she reminded me that adoption is a process, not an event. I need to make peace with that & embrace the fact that we're no longer dealing with the "ideal" or the "normal". And the truth of the matter is I can't imagine my life being anything other than what it is. I know that things are exactly as they should be & I know that adoption was our path & I know that Ruby is our daughter. I wish everyone understood that the way we do but it's an unrealistic wish. I can't change the world & I shouldn't be overly sensitive & expect people to understand something that most know nothing about. So I guess that leaves me with changing myself. It's time to dig a little deeper, toughen up, & let it go. When I realized years ago that I would probably never be pregnant I promised myself that I would never let this experience make me bitter. So do your worst world, I can take it.
