7 Months

"We loved with a love that was more than love." Edgar Allan Poe  



On Strength

I recently spoke with a childhood friend who was in the midst of a relationship crisis & it broke my heart to hear her struggling & feeling like she wasn't strong enough to make much needed changes. I wanted to reach through the phone & shake her because to me the solution was so obvious. But don't we always have greater clarity when we're not involved in the situation? When I got off the phone Ruby was staring at me with her big blue eyes as if she had just absorbed the entire conversation. And this got me thinking about women & our importance & how we often sell ourselves short. And I gave that baby of mine a talking to & told her about the kind of woman that I want her to become. About choosing to be strong & self-assured & taking control of the one life she's been given for crying out loud. And heaven knows I will frequently remind her of this if she acts a fool.

This quote by Marianne Williamson is perfection: “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” I wonder what the next generation of daughters would look like if we as mothers believed this truth & allowed it to become who we are. That would be a beautiful, unstoppable generation.

As Good As It Gets

We finally were able to be sealed in the Temple & bless Ruby in church. The experience was awesome & one that we will never forget. We were surrounded by friends & family & I felt so overwhelmed with gratitude that we have so many people in our lives that love us & care about our family. Throughout these major events with Ruby we have been amazed at the depth of emotion that is felt. It is impossible to describe & I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much. It's wonderful & exhausting & such a sacred experience. There is a peace unlike any other knowing that this family of ours can be together forever. It's the most important thing to us & my joy is full.

Big Girl

Our days lately have been filled with milestones: solids, rolling, sitting, growing & grabbing everything in sight. Ruby is in the 98th percentile for height & keeping this baby in clothes that actually fit is a never-ending challenge. Rest assured I'm up for any challenge that involves buying more baby clothes.

A Good Day

It's only 11am but today has already been a really good day. I woke up late & was a little panicked because normally I wake up to Ruby babbling in her crib letting me know it's time for her to eat. I headed into her nursery and found this:



And this:

That note is romance at it's finest. An extra hour to sleep in is a beautiful thing. And that baby was wide awake & happy as can be in her crib not making a peep. It was like she was in on the surprise with her dad. And then I received a text letting me know our adoption was finalized. Finalized! We are officially parents & no longer just legal guardians. Awesome.

Family Pictures

Our family pictures have become exponentially cuter & less awkward since the addition of Ruby. I'm not sure how it happened but Ruby had her 6 month Dr. appointment & shots a few hours before these pictures were taken. Rookie mom mistake for sure. She was fussy & then the Tylenol kicked in & she was droopy eyed & would barely crack a smile. But Mary worked her magic yet again & was able to capture this time in our life that I hope to never forget.



On Subtlety

I'm not sure when it happened, but suddenly Ruby doesn't seem like a baby anymore. She's learning to sit up on her own, she wants to grab everything in sight, & you can just see her mind working as it takes everything in. This has all happened in a week's time & it never ceases to amaze me how quickly she changes. I feel like I'm continually seeing all of the good that has come from our struggle with infertility & I can't believe that I actually feel grateful for it. I just don't think I would've appreciated all that being a mother has to offer if I hadn't had to work so hard for this family of mine. I feel like it has given me a perspective that is unique & helps me to see the importance of all of these small, seemingly insignificant moments. It has helped me to be aware that what I'm doing matters. And I realize what a gift it has been that I had to choose this path & want it so desperately before I ever got it. Because this job that I do day in & day out is frequently a thankless one, at times a frustrating one & often an overwhelming one. And many from the outside looking in may not think it looks all that appealing. And yet, to me it is the most precious gift I have ever been given & by far the most rewarding thing I have ever done. And when your boss is this cute, who wouldn't want my job?



6 Months

Ruby is officially halfway to her 1 year mark. She is animated, & happy, & can stare at you in this intense way like she's looking into your soul. I already see parts of Tyler & I in her & I must admit, it makes me happier than just about anything in this world. We still talk about her incessantly, stare at her in amazement & miss her like crazy when we're apart. We are annoying, obsessed parents who act like complete idiots to make her happy. We are lucky to call her ours.